11 2 / 2012
Okay what is up with this shoulder touching thing?
Yes, I had a wonderful time.
Yes, you made sure I got on the bus with the group.
Yes, I stood next to you on the bus and later sat next to you and we made animal noises.
Yes, we walked together up the stairs to the balcony.
Yes, we sat next to each other in the concert hall and talked about how awesome the hall is.
Yes, I totally showed my most excited phase right next to you due to classical music and I am, strangely, completely comfortable.
Yes, when we were sitting, our shoulders/arms were touching and it almost felt like we were leaning against each other.
Yes, after the concert you walked by me and listened to my rambling on and on about the music we just heard and bore with my incoherent speech and emotional spasm.
Yes, when we were walking back to the dorm in a giant group, I turned to look at you and you quietly came to walk by my side within the group.
Yes, when I walked with my friend in another direction, you slowed down as if to wait for me for a second.
Yes, you sat next to me watching awesome videos.
Yes, you came to give my cup back and told me to bring a stuffed animal and blanket for Firefly because you know I’d need them.
Yes, you were right, I did need the stuffed animal.
Yes, when a horrifying scene comes up and I turned to look at you, you said “you are going to want a hug for this one” and you hugged me tightly.
Yes, you circled me with your arms three times during cruel violent scenes.
Yes, I could feel your facial hair touching my cheek when you hugged me.
Yes, you smell like a guy.
Yes, I like the way you smell, as weird as it sounds.
Yes, when we all shifted positions, we went back to that shoulder-touching sitting pose.
Yes, when the show was over, we stayed sitting like that for another minute.
Yes, I admit I hugged you goodnight tighter and longer that I did the others.
No…. what I don’t understand is… why does everything feel so natural? We just naturally shifted into sitting comfortably next to each other without ever talking about it.
Why is it that you don’t have any expressions about any of the above?
Why is it that you smile at me so adorably and trustingly that I just can’t help but fall harder?
I want to know how you are feeling and what you are thinking.
Usually I would care so much about what other people think of me, and how they are potentially judging my actions, but when I am with you I don’t seem to be affected by these paranoid thoughts. I don’t know if anyone in our friend group has noticed anything… because they have keen eyes and tight mouths so even if they sense something they are not likely to openly talk about it. But strangely, I don’t mind so much if they know, because they are so chill that I don’t think they would flip out if anything happens.
I just… don’t know what’s happening with you. But I do know that I can see us being comfortably together.
…
I wish you’d like me back and do something.
